Enjoy Every Second

Okay, I'm the kind of person who always imagines the worst-possible scenarios about absolutely everything. Being a mom, I swear I worry at least once a day that Oliver is going to die. For example, if he sleeps in later than normal, my mind automatically imagines that he has died in his sleep from SIDS, even though the risk is much smaller now that he is older. I've heard a few stories and just recently read a book about young children dying, which doesn't help my obsessive thoughts but has made me realize how fragile life is in reality (not just in my thoughts). Even though the risk of SIDS is much lower in the second year, it still happens. If it's not SIDS, it could be a sudden illness, or an accident, or maybe even something that isn't an accident that could snatch him away. And even if he doesn't die, he isn't going to be a baby or a toddler forever. Remembering how fragile little babies can be (even at 16 months old) and knowing that soon I will wish he were this age again, I think I've finally realized that I need to enjoy every second I get to spend with him.

I don't want to regret the way I decided to spend my time with him or my attitude toward him. Because of this new outlook, I've decided to stop expecting him to act like an adult (I know it sounds silly that I would expect that, but what first-time parent doesn't imagine their children to be perfect?), and enjoy the things he does that I will miss when he gets older. Like, watching him throw all the tupperware lids out of the drawer, crawl into it, and pretend it's a car. Or like how quick he is to grab hold of my hand when I hold it out for him. Or like tonight when I had to rock him in my arms and watch him fall asleep - I could never regret that.

My sweet boy